Why Isn’t God Answering My Prayers Even Though I Am Trying To Live Right?
This piece is presented in a Q&A format to address both commonly asked questions and those readers may be wondering about.
Question: I know we are not supposed to have a transactional relationship with God, but it can feel very disheartening when you are striving to live righteously and in a way that is pleasing to God, yet still don’t get the things you are hoping for in life.
I’m not angry at God and will continue to serve Him no matter what. But, I’m just confused, especially because there are a lot of people who don’t seem to have to struggle as much as me and receive what they want effortlessly.
I am starting to think that this is just my lot in life and I have to accept it. After all, nothing seems to be working.
Any thoughts?
Answer: First of all, I want to say that I empathize so much with those who have felt this way. The feeling of being forgotten by God is a lot more common than most people like to admit and it’s good to be honest about your feelings.
Secondly, to the best of our ability, it is important for us not to compare our circumstances to others. Everyone’s life situation is different and very individual to them and not everything that looks good on the outside is a blessing.
Also, you don’t know if things actually did come easily for some. To be clear, there is nothing wrong with things coming easily for some, but I just share that because sometimes we get in this mentality that things are hard only for us and that can make us feel something is wrong with us, which is not true.
Whether it pertains to health, relationships, finances, career, or anything else, seeing other people get what they want while we don’t can make us feel uneasy—not because we don’t wish them to have it, but because we question why we don’t.
Anyway, I think the crux of this matter is feeling deservingness is about one’s performance vs. one’s innate worthiness.
As human beings, it’s understandable why we should feel way since we earn many things in this world by our merit, such as a job promotion or success in career.
And, of course, there is a time and place for our effort. I am not saying one should be passive or not take any action.
But I think where many people have a block is they feel that them being deserving of blessings has to do with their merit, in this case religious performance, as opposed to God desiring to bless them simply because He loves them.
So, interestingly, it is the belief that “In order to be deserving of this blessing, I have to perform really well as a Christian” that can be in the way of receiving it, which is often rooted in perfectionism. This then pushes away our blessing because perfectionism is rooted in shame.
Keep in mind, when I allude to religious performance, I’m not saying one is a fake Christian or only desires God to get things.
What’s usually going on is that a person’s idea of God has been shaped by their childhood where they got the implicit or explicit message that them being deserving of good things was contingent upon their performance, so they then try to be “perfect” in their Christian walk to feel deserving of blessings. But since one can never be perfect enough, the cycle of perfectionism continues.
It is okay to continue doing what one is doing if it is contributing to their spiritual life and brings them closer to their goals. I am not advocating disregarding discipline and it is important to take action when God leads us to.
However, what I am advocating is loosening the grip on perfectionism and letting go of the idea that one must be completely saint-like to be deserving of good things.
Indeed, there are times where sin or other hindrances need to be removed, but in cases where one is seemingly trying everything (i.e. seeking God, working hard, etc.), sometimes it is a lack of belief in one’s deservingness that is in the way.
Therefore, what needs to change is going from religious performative to being fully open to one’s blessings. And if they are within His will, know that the Lord would be happy to give them to you, not because you finally measure up and are deserving but because He is happy to give them to you.
"Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."
-Luke 12:32
