Truth Telling: Control vs. Raising Awareness
In the spiritual community, there is a pervasive view that we should never exercise a sense of discrimination (meaning the positive form here). This view is expressed through sayings like, “We are all One” or “It’s all love.”
In the secular world, this view is expressed by the sentiment: “As long as it’s not harming/hurting anyone, people should be able to do whatever they want.”
The problem with these views is that they are far too oversimplified. Though something doesn’t seem to cause much harm on the surface, there are negative ramifications upon closer inspection. And part of the problem is that people don’t even realize that something is potentially damaging for them.
Therefore, voices that bring falsities to light are necessary.
If you are in the role of a truth teller, you may wonder…
But what if we think we know the truth and are wrong?
Shouldn’t we just let people be?
Am’t I being judgmental?
These are valid questions and ones I wrestled with for a number of years. I was so worried about being judgmental that I didn’t accept my discernment. Now, this does not mean that I have always been right, but just because you are not 100% right about everything (which is impossible by the way) does not mean you should discount your discernment altogether. So it is important to validate your discernment and know that you, too, possess an understanding that is at the current level of your consciousness.
I also believe these questions pertain to boundaries.
In terms of those in the role of a truth teller, one may be transgressing boundaries whereas one is exercising appropriate boundaries.
I have created a list with qualities of a truth teller focused on control, where someone is transgressing boundaries, and one focused on raising awareness, where they are exercising appropriate boundaries.
Truth Teller Focused On Control
Fixed in their views
Focused on being right
Extremely conditional acceptance: Unable to truly accept people as they are unless they adhere to their views
Low empathy
The goal is to change people
Outsiders viewed as “less than” (even if they outwardly say this is not the case)
Position themselves as the standard bearers (i.e. ultimate authority) and arbiters of human worth
Examples: Those with dogmatic religious beliefs, people with extreme political views (whether the far left or alt right), militant vegans
Truth Teller Focused On Raising Awareness
A willingness to change their views if they are wrong
Does not have a need to “win” and be right
Strive to embody the Golden Rule: Able to accept people as they are despite differences in views — this does not necessarily mean agreement or being in close relation; it just means that there is a mature understanding that people are on their unique path
High degree of empathy
The goal is to raise awareness for those who may be helped, but there is not an investment in the outcome
Outsiders acknowledged as different but viewed as equal
Don’t position themselves as the standard bearers and arbiters of human worth and rather neutral observers/discerners of the human condition
Guidelines for Truth Tellers
You don’t have to know everything. Just sincerely do your best.
Have your ideal audience’s welfare and the way they can be helped in mind. This intention on service can safeguard you from pride and the need to be right.
Don’t J.A.D.E. (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain). Usually this comes from a fear of being misunderstood.
People being offended by your truths does not necessarily mean you are “mean” or judgmental. Separate their projections from who you are.
